


cause I have hella feelings for you

by clelia_satre



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Angst, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Fluff, Leukemia, M/M, They deserve so much happiness, andrew is scared of losing the love of his life, neil is ill and andrew is sweet with him, this boys love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clelia_satre/pseuds/clelia_satre
Summary: Thank you for reading till here!I am not a doctor, so I want to say sorry for any mistake about the description of the illness, even though I didn’t write anything too accuratelyThis fic was born after I watched the third season of Elite... but I am not going to say more, no spoilers here :)title from idfc by blackbearKudos and comments are well accepted <3
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 111





	cause I have hella feelings for you

The best part of Neil’s sophomore year wasn’t being vice-captain of the team, nor having switched his Language major for a Maths one. No, it was the fact that he divided his room with Andrew and Kevin. And that, after the death of Riko, Kevin had healed enough to go out alone and enjoy his life, going out for dates or with classmates (History nerds, Andrew liked to call them). And Kevin’s growth left Andrew and Neil often alone together. 

Like now, when Neil was studying some new formulas sitting on the coach and Andrew was watching How to get away with murder next to him. He wasn’t disturbed by the voices of the actors, his mind too absorbed by his homework. Suddenly, the TV was turned off, and he saw with the corner of his eye Andrew getting up. He dismissed the information quickly, turning his head towards the book: he had a Calculus essay to finish and needed to do his readings the fastest he could. 

A shuffling sound caught his attention and, when he put the book aside on the couch, he saw Andrew kneeling on the ground, right in the space left by his open knees. Neil felt himself blush violently. 

«Hi» he crooked out. 

He could perfectly read the amusement in Andrew’s eyes, even though they must look just bored to someone who didn’t know his boyfriend well enough. Only Neil could read him like an open book. 

«Hello». 

«Wha-what are you doing?». 

Andrew shrugged, placing his hands on Neil’s thighs. The redhead felt the front of his pants growing uncomfortably tight against his arousal. 

«Just blowing you off and see if you will keep studying while I do it». 

Neil smirked. He liked when Andrew felt good enough to talk freely about his sexuality and their relationship. And when he did even the slightest dirty talk, well... Neil loved those moments. 

«Go on, I’m interested» he whispered, picking up the book and starting reading again. He placed it right in front if him, hiding the sight of Andrew except of the top of his messy, blond hair. 

It was a good day for Andrew, so he didn’t need to ask “yes or no”: Neil voiced his consent without using an explicit yes, but it still was his consent. 

He felt Andrew working in his belt and then unzipping his jeans, pushing them and his briefs down to his ankles. Andrew’s hands touched his ankles, then his calves, up till his knees and his thighs, cold fingertips brushing lightly against his skin. Neil fixated his eyes on the textbook, without really reading it. He could only think “more more more”. 

Now he was tracing his groin, his hands never where he wanted them, always so far away from his now pulsing arousal. Neil bit his lower lip, gripping the book hard. 

«What are you studying?» Andrew asked, and Neil could feel his hot breath against his cock. 

Neil sighed, shutting his eyes close. One of Andrew’s finger was tracing the base of his member, the other hand now wandering even lower, near his hole. “Fuck, he is becoming better at this” he thought. 

«Logarithms» he finally crooked out, his voice an embarrassing high pitch. 

Suddenly, Andrew’s hand wrapped around him. 

«Fuck... Andrew» he moaned, discarding the book on the coach and tangling his fingers in the blond locks of his boyfriend. 

Andrew’s hands disappeared in an instant, as if Neil’s skin burned him. Neil looked at him, but Andrew’s eyes were fixated on his groin. He gulped, asking himself if he did something wrong. Casual touches like a hand on lower backs or between hairs have became normal between them, so he couldn’t understand what triggered his boyfriend’s reaction. 

«There is something wrong» Andrew muttered, sliding again his hands on Neil’s groin, but only on his left side. They wandered a bit lower than the base of his member, tracing a small circle on his skin. «Neil, give me your hand» Andrew asked, still not looking at him. 

Neil obeyed, a bit confused, and then Andrew gently guided his fingers where he was touching. Neil pressed them against the warm skin, under the control of Andrew’s broad palm. 

«Can you feel it? There is like... a small ball here». 

Neil nodded, understanding what Andrew meant. There was a strange bulge under his hand, one which should not be there. 

«I never felt it before». 

«You should touch yourself a bit more accurately sometimes. It is important, because in some cases you could be the only one to understand if something is wrong. And this...». Andrew tapped a finger against his hand. «Is not right». 

Andrew pronounced the words with his bored tone, scuffing like he was scolding him, but Neil was not fooled by him: he could perfectly hear the worry on his voice. 

«You are going to get checked. In an hospital, Neil. No Abby this time». 

Neil rolled his eyes. «Why not Abby?». 

«Because she is not that good at her job». 

“Because I’m worried, I want you to be healthy and I want to be sure this is nothing worse. Because at the hospital doctors will do more tests and we will leave being sure about the result” was what Andrew really meant, and what Neil heard. 

Neil asked Wymack to come with him to the hospital. Andrew was fuming when he left the dorm room that morning, saying Wymack was not to be trusted. “I want to come with you” was what he was really saying. 

But Neil was pretty sure Andrew was being paranoid, and he was not letting him skip classes just for a stupid check-up. 

The doctor was called Massimo Ruggiero, had a small pin with Italy’s flag on his immaculately white shirt, golden eyeshadow on his eyelids and a warm smile on his light pink lips. He was taller than Wymack, but sat on a stool near Neil’s chair, putting patient and doctor at the same height. 

«Hi Neil. So, we are starting with a blood test, then we will proceed with...». 

Neil liked him. He was straightforward, didn’t waste time in small talks but explained all the procedure to him in clear and easy sentences. Then, when he finished, he got up and told Neil to follow him into a room. Neil only glanced at Wymack once. 

«Everything will be fine» the coach said, his voice betraying him with a fond tone. 

«So, Neil. I want to be honest with you. Your exams were not as fine as I expected them». 

A week had passed before doctor Ruggiero called Neil, asking him to come to the hospital. In that week, Neil had been constantly touching the bulge on his groin under the shower, but it didn’t seem to grow nor to get smaller. 

Andrew had been in a strange mood for all the week, climbing up Neil’s bed basically every night with the excuse of “Kevin’s snores being less loud up here than on his bed on the lower bunk”. Neil accepted the lame excuse, as he accepted Andrew’s caresses and hugs. He had smoked less too, carrying around the same packet of cigarettes from last week (Andrew usually smoked at least two packets for week). 

Neil had tried in every way to make Andrew feel safe, knowing that the strange phase was coming to an end as soon as he would get his perfect exams back. 

Maybe he had been too sure of himself. 

At his side, Wymack stirred. «What do you mean, doc?». 

Massimo sighed, brushing his eyes with both his hands. «The bulge consisted on an enlarged lymph nodes. Many are the causes of it, and many are the consequences. Neil, in your case I can’t precisely tell what was the cause, but the illness has spread in your body very fast. I need some more exams, but I and some of my colleagues have come to the same conclusion». 

«Which is?» Wymack asked, as Neil couldn’t quite talk right now. 

«Neil, you are on a still early-stage of leukemia». 

Neil’s word crashed on itself. 

«You can tell the team, but I need to tell it to Andrew first». 

«As you wish, kid». 

When he came back to the hospital, he entered the room with a envelope in his hand, containing all the information about the chemotherapy he was starting in a couple of weeks. Andrew was sitting on the coach, a tub of ice cream perched between his knees and a spoon in his mouth. He was too caught-up with How to get away with murder to realise his boyfriend had come back, but Neil keept quiet for some more seconds, enjoying the vision of Andrew wearing his hoodie (the big “Josten” embroidered on the back) and his hair being a mess due to the nap he must have taken after Neil left, a couple of hours ago. 

«Hey» he broke the silence, because now he had some more important things to do than to drool over his boyfriend. 

«Hi» Andrew dryly answered. “Welcome back”. 

«Kevin?» Neil asked, discarding his shoes near the door and sitting on the coach next to Andrew. After a slight nod, he slid his legs in Andrew’s lap. A callous hand rested on his tight, enveloping it. 

«Out on a date. Some guy called Richard. He is just a getting-a-boner-over-historical-books version of Jeremy Knox». 

Neil laughed, resting his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew looked at him with his hazel eyes, a colour Neil still hadn’t figure out. They were not only one shade, like his own. They were brown when it was dark, but golden under the sun, and had a green ring around the pupil. They were stunning. 

Andrew leaned on, cupping his face with his hands and tugging him closer. Neil could see Andrew closing his eyes, his hot breath against his lips. 

«No, Andrew». Neil placed his hand on Andrew’s bicep, feeling the muscles under the hoodie twitch as Andrew let him go, always respecting boundaries. «We need to talk first». 

But the truth was that Neil couldn’t form any other word now, because he was a stupid coward, so all he did was pushing the envelope against Andrew’s chest. His boyfriend picked it up from where it fell on his lap, opening it slowly. He discarded the modules Neil had to fill, picking up the piece of paper with the weekly plan of chemotherapy. He read it two times before putting it down, staring at the wall in front of him for many painful minutes. Neil didn’t speak, waiting for Andrew’s reaction. 

It came in the shape of a hand on his cheek, Andrew’s thumb tracing soothing circles against his burn scar. 

«We will do this together» Andrew only said, placing the envelope on the couch next to him. “I’m not leaving you, nor now nor never”. 

The Foxes reactions were different. Matt cries. Dan gave him a pat on his shoulder, telling him she was there for him. Allison joked about a bald Neil, trying to make him smile. Renee asked a lot of questions about the cure. Nicky hugged him. Kevin immediately started to organise a new plan of training for him around the chemo sessions. 

Their words moved Neil just the tiniest bit. He smiled fondly at them, laughing at Allison joke and hugging Nicky back. 

But the worst reaction of them all was Aaron’s. Even if Neil and Andrew had been together for many months, and even spent their free weeks on summer together on a road trip through Texas, Aaron still didn’t trust Neil with Andrew’s heart. They talked a bit, in a politely way, but he was sure that if Andrew broke up with him now, he would be quite happy. 

Now, Aaron stared at Neil for a long time, before diverting his gaze toward his twin brother. The meaning was painfully clear: Aaron known that Neil would fight the illness, but if anything went wrong, how would Andrew cope with that? Was that going to destroy Andrew? 

Neil didn’t know Aaron as well as Nicky or Kevin, but he was sure of one thing: now that the twins had therapy sessions together and that they were healing, Aaron was learning to love Andrew with every inch of himself. And he was going to do everything in his power to not let Neil’s sickness ruin his twin’s growth. 

Neil felt relief invading his heart: at least he was sure that, while the Foxes would take care of him, there was someone going to take care of Andrew too. 

Neil brought Andrew at his first chemotherapy session. Andrew didn’t even ask to come, but nodded yes when Neil asked him to. Neil appreciated Andrew’s ability to always let him take his choices, giving him his space. But now, Neil truly needed Andrew. 

Doctor Massimo smiled fondly at Andrew, just sparing a quick look at their interwoven hands before leading them to the chemotherapy room. It was a sunny room due to the two walls made of glass. Neil sat in a blue armchair in front of the glass window. Another doctor was waiting for them there. 

«This is nurse Alikhan Karimov. He is going to follow you during your journey». 

The doctor waved at Neil as they were good friends, sitting on a chair new him and starting to fidget with some IV. When he was ready, Neil extended his arm. 

«I swear, it is not going to hurt» the nurse said, his almond eyes shining with determination. Neil tried to relax, but it was futile. The doctor’s fingers were long and skilled, placing the IV in his arm. Neil felt a little itching, which soon disappeared. «Done!» the nurse said, before disappearing. 

Andrew snatched a chair from a near post, sitting down next to Neil. He had his backpack with him, full of snacks and bottles of water. Even if Andrew wasn’t going to come, he had already packed everything for Neil, leaving the bag in the kitchen for him to find it before going out. 

Neil looked around the room while Andrew picked up a book from the backpack, something with a long title about some kind of law he had to finish for one of his classes. 

On his right an old lady was reading a magazine, an IV sticking out from his left arm. Her cheeks were hollow and the bones of her fingers showing painfully. She was wearing sunglasses and had a lily tattooed on the back of her wrist. 

«Uterus» she said, probably noticing Neil staring without raising her head from her magazine. 

«Leukemia» Neil answered in a whisper. 

She whistled. «Welcome to sadness-land». She put her magazine away, finally looking at him. «Alikhan is pretty good, but Sasha is kinder. She also buys you snacks from the vending machine without asking for her money back. Ask about her next time to Massimo». 

«Is Sasha your nurse?». 

«Unluckily, no. I got Alex. They are an asshole. But they are a good view, you know?». She winked at Neil, who just shrugged. The old lady seemed very outgoing, her voice a bit raucous and low. The both of them leaning forward, it looked like they are gossiping. 

«Rosalia! Are we already breaking the new guy?» a laughing voice asked. 

Neil turned around. The boy in front of him must have been younger them him of a couple of years, but higher than him by half a foot. He had blonde hair, lighter than Andrew’s, and clear grey eyes. He was smiling, a dimple showing. He was wearing a Exy jersey, white on dark blue. Columbia Bats, it said, Vasilyev 9. 

«Sergei! I was asking myself when your shitty face was going to show! Estúpido!» Rosalia smiled at him, and Neil sniggered at the Spanish word. 

«Aw, Rosalia, you break my heart». 

Then he glanced at Neil. And looked at him. And looked. Neil felt a bit uncomfortable, but he was not going to show it. So he extended the arm without the IV. 

«Neil Josten». 

Sergei’s eyes shone. 

«Sergei Vsilyev». 

They ended up all sitting on the same row, Rosalia between Sergei and Neil. Even if the two of them seemed to know each other very well, they still tried to integrate Neil in the conversation. They had been talking for half an hour about the snacks at the vending machine when Andrew finally put his book away. 

Neil could perfectly see Andrew’s eyes land on Sergei, studying him. The verdict was not the one Neil was expecting: Andrew didn’t like the newcomer. 

«He is okay» Neil said that night at his boyfriend, the both of them curled in Andrew’s bed. Since leaving the hospital, Rosalia’s and Sergei’s numbers on his telephone, he had been feeling dizzy. After a light dinner he even threw up, and he didn’t feel like climbing all the way up his bed tonight. 

Andrew’s biceps twitched he hugged Neil closer to his chest. 

«He likes you». 

Neil rolled his eyes. 

«Not all the human beings that talk to me like me. Think about the reporters after the games». 

Andrew’s hand was in his hair now, tracing a soothing pattern in his scalp. Neil felt his eyelids becoming heavier. 

«Maybe, but I don’t like him» Andrew muttered against Neil’s hair. 

Neil looked up at him, at his strong, beautiful boyfriend showing his fragility to him. Andrew was not alway so sure of himself as other people thought he was. Neil stretched, placing a light kiss on top of Andrew’s nose. 

«You know you will always be the only one, Drew». 

Andrew sighed, hugging Neil even tighter. Neil put his head against his boyfriend chest, falling asleep by the sound of his heartbeat and a “always, idiot” whispered between them. 

Things were very different after a couple of months. 

Andrew came with him for the first week of therapy. After that, Neil asked him not to come anymore, as he had became friends with Rosalia and Sergei. Andrew accepted his decision. The true reasons why Neil wanted Andrew to stop coming was because he knew hospitals made Andrew uncomfortable, as the last time he went there was after the Thanksgiving’s accident. Also, he hated seeing Andrew’s sad eyes during all the therapy, and the downward curve of his mouth for the rest of the night. The less Andrew saw, the better it was. He also couldn’t skip practise anymore, otherwise his scholarship would be at risk. 

Neil tried to make the most from his moments with Andrew. He was given a special treatment from the college: he couldn’t practise anymore but he still could attend classes (not in a mandatory way) and do his exams. That meant long mornings spent on their shared bed, as Andrew prohibit him from climbing up his top bunk bed, and lazy showers together, Neil cooking breakfast to Andrew. He was more affectionate recently, touching Neil more even in front of the team. Neil lowkey liked it. 

One day, while giving Andrew a blowjob, his boyfriend stopped him. Andrew, who had his hand tangled in Neil’s red and unruly curls, showed him his palm. A big lock of hair had fallen, and Andrew was gripping it with white knuckles. That afternoon, seventeen days into chemotherapy, he asked Allison to shave his head. She did that with fast and skilled hands, telling him about her classes and her programs with Renee for the night, voice saccharine and happy. She did not hide her tears very well when he left the room, as she thought she had closed the door enough to let them free without be noticed. 

Matt told him he looked good bald. Matt was visibly the one suffering the most among his teammates (with the exception of Andrew, of course). He often visited Neil after therapy, bringing pizza or a film to watch. He offered to drive him to therapy when Andrew had classes and once he stayed, too. Rosalia had been very happy about it, because “Matt was the perfect burnt sugar crust for her crema catalana”, she had said winking. Neil didn’t know what that meant and didn’t want to discover it. 

Neil missed practises like he could miss a piece of himself: he was getting thinner, losing all the muscles he had built up in the last year and a half of training with the Foxes. Sometimes he went to night practises with Kevin, but after one month of chemo, gripping his heavy racquet was becoming more and more tiring. He went to all the Foxes’s matches, though, sitting on the home bench and shouting insults at his friends with Wymack. 

Luckily, his chemotherapy sessions were full of Exy. Sergei was a big fan, and a player too. 

«I was the starting defensive dealer for my high school team, the Columbia Bats» he explained one day, when Neil looked over at his post and found him watching an Exy match on his phone. «I stopped playing, but not obsessing over». 

They talked so much about Exy that Rosalia asked to switch her post with Sergei’s one, because “they were two idiotas and she didn’t want to be in the centre of their stupid talks». 

Neil had grown found of the both of them. Rosalia, with her Spanish insults and sharp tongue, made the hours pass faster. She joked a lot, even though Neil had read about her cancer. She was continuing the chemo, but it was mostly futile now, at her state. Sergei was a friend now, who shaved the day after Neil did, even if his chemo was lighter than his. Doctors said his stomach cancer could be removed in a couple of months, but he had to do some chemo before. Sergei had high expectations for his future. 

«I want to a rocket scientist» he said one day. He and Neil were alone, as Rosalia had her session in the morning on Thursdays. «I have been dreaming about it since I was ten». 

«I want to go pro. Next year I will be captain of the Palmetto State Foxes». 

«You dream big» Sergei said, leaning forward toward Neil’s chair. 

«What’s the sense of a life at the bottom if you can aim to the top?». 

Maybe Neil had to read the signals better. Maybe Neil had to recognise Andrew was always right. Maybe Neil was just an oblivious stupid. Because Sergei kissed him, his lips cold but gently. They passed the rest of the session in silence, broken only by Neil’s «I have a boyfriend» and Sergei’s «The blond from the first days?». Neil nodded and didn’t dare to look at Sergei. 

That night they (he, Andrew, Matt and Aaron) watched a movie together. Neil appreciated the fact that Aaron was spending more time with Andrew that he used to. It was his way of taking care. Neil threw up while heading to his bedroom. 

«I don’t feel like doing anything tonight, sorry Drew» he whispered once his boyfriend slid under the blanket. Neil always had cold lately. 

Andrew hugged him, brushing his nose against Neil’s one. «Don’t apologise, idiot» he said, bored. 

«Sergei kissed me today» Neil blurted out. 

«I know you like him. You two are equally obsessed with Exy». 

«You know Andrew. There is only you for me» Neil started.

Andrew looked down at him. 

«I don’t want anybody else, Drew. But maybe... maybe you do». 

Andrew gripped the back of his neck. 

«What the fuck are you talking about?»

«Drew, I’m a wreck. We don’t know how many months of chemo are going to come, the lightest one didn’t seem to work and the heaviest one is weakening me, fast. I don’t know if I will get better...». 

«When» Andrew gritted out, his eyes dark. «When you are getting better Neil, I will be by your side». 

«I don’t want you to waste your time on something you could regret later». 

Andrew tightened his grip on Neil’s neck. 

«I will never regret having had this with you. All of this». 

Neil sighed, pushing his head against Andrew’s chest. 

«I am so scared, Andrew». 

Sleep that night didn’t come for Neil, nor for Andrew, as he traced soothing circles on his back till dawn. 

«Neil, I have a good news and a bad news. Which one would you hear first?». 

Neil interwove his fingers with Andrew’s. He was sitting in Massimo’s office for his monthly check up. Snow was falling out the window, a late one as it was February. Andrew had an away game that night, but he insisted on going to the visit with him. He was driving himself to Charlotte and meet with the team in time for the first drills. 

«Bad then good»

Massimo nodded. 

«The current chemo... is not doing its job. We hoped that a heavier one would suit you better, but we were wrong. The leukemia is still growing and spreading». 

Neil sighed, fighting against the prickle in his eyes. 

«The good one is that there is an interesting treatment we decided to try. It is very aggressive, I warn you. Though months are coming, and you can perfectly decline it at any moment. But I am going to be honest with you Neil, because I like you and you aren’t one of those to be treated like glass figures: this is our last possibility. If this treatment doesn’t work, you can go back to normal chemo or stop it at all. At this stage, it is basically the same thing. You should have two years left in any case». 

Later, at home with Andrew, he had a panic attack and then a violent breakdown. He cried and screamed and shouted, against life who was so unfair, because he always had to live it on borrowed time. 

«It’s too early. I don’t want to go» were the last words he said, his throat sore, before passing out against Andrew’s side. 

Massimo was painfully right: the new treatment was tough, even tougher than his father’s or Lola’s tortures. In that case, he knew what was wrong, knew where the pain was and what caused it. Now, he just felt always tired and dizzy, his ribs starting to peak out from his skin as he was getting thinner and thinner. He wore sweats all day long, the feeling of tight jeans too uncomfortable. He also preferred baggy hoodies, like the ones Matt often have him. He studied a bit in the mornings and spent the evenings napping. Nights were for movies with the Foxes or cuddles with Andrew. He felt too weak to have sex, but Andrew always told he didn’t mind. 

«You can go to Eden’s. It’s okay. Roland’s there, and many other hot boys... You deserve-». 

Andrew held him closer. 

«If it isn’t with you, it doesn’t have sense». 

Neil knew he was not referring to sex only. 

Monday was the last day of chemo for Sergei: his surgery was scheduled for Wednesday. 

Despite what happened between him and Neil, the both of them agreed on being friends the same. They enjoyed each other’s company too much to let one kiss ruin everything they built in six months. 

The surgery was, of course, a success, and on Saturday he and Rosa went to Sergei’s room. Rosa had made a pot of her famous crema catalana, while Neil had asked Kevin to sign one of his old jerseys to give it to Sergei as a gift. Neil’s heart was happy for the very first time in months at seeing Sergei smiling, showing proudly the scar on his abdomen and talking about all his friends from school who had already visited him. 

They ate the crema with the nurses and Massimo (even though Sergei only had one spoon of it) and watched with fond eyes Sergei opening Neil’s gift. At 6 pm, all his friends and relatives were at the hospital, and Sergei rang the bell, finally cancer free. 

While Sergei started to live his life again, always texting Neil and sometimes coming to his sessions with Rosa, Neil’s health declined. 

Red and purple bruises were starting to form on his skin without a reason and, even though Andrew kissed all of them before going to sleep, Neil eyed them warily. 

Nights were spent shivering. Renee gifted him with a new blanket, a soft thing made of white plush, with a small fox curled on itself in the centre. Neil loved it. 

Neil was so weak, walking sometimes was a painful chore. He of them all, the fastest player of the team and the whole Division, panted for minutes if he went from the couch to the kitchen’ table. 

Andrew helped him eating and showering. He went only on mandatory classes and practised the least he could, preferring staying at home with him. Neil once talked with Aaron about it. 

«When this will be over, I need you to pick up all the pieces and make him whole again. Can you promise me?». 

Aaron had looked at Neil for a very long time before answering. 

«You really do love him» he had just said, but his voice had changed. Neil thought he even heard some kind of sadness. 

But Aaron kept his promise as much as his twin did, and checked up on Andrew more than he already did. He spoke to Bee and Renee and Nicky, and together they became Andrew’s guardian angels. 

He was watching Nicky making tacos when it happened. One minute, Nicky’s laugh was making him smile fondly, the next one he was coughing so hard he could feel his lungs became sore. He looked at his hand, which was now soaked in deep, red blood. 

Next thing he knew, darkness was enveloping him as he passed out. 

Pneumonia, Massimo had said. Not very dangerous, but he must stay at the hospital for a couple of days. 

Come back to England, uncle Stuart had said by phone. I have many contacts, I can find the best doctors of Europe for you and you can be with the family, be an Hartford. 

Stay with me, Andrew had said, watching Neil sleeping from the armchair next to the bed. Please, Neil, don’t leave me. 

After coming back to their dorm, Kevin announced he asked Wymack to move to his house for a couple of weeks. 

«We want to build a better father-son relationship» he said. 

“I want to leave the dorm to the two of you, to enjoy this precious, little moments together before they are gone” was the truth. 

The first night by themselves in the room, they ordered Italian food (in honour of Massimo) and watched some episodes of How to get away with murder. Neil didn’t like it so much, but Andrew was a sucker for that show, and he was going to do everything in his power to make a good time out of these moments. 

Once in bed, he decided to tell Andrew those famous three words only Aaron had used to describe their relationship. 

«I love you» he whispered, looking in Andrew’s beautiful eyes. His boyfriend’s grip on his waist tightened a little. 

«Don’t say it, Neil... don’t-». 

«No, Andrew. I want to say it, and you won’t stop me, but accept the love I’m offering you». 

When Andrew blinked again, Neil could see a tear rolling down his cheek even in the darkness. 

«I love you too, stupid idiot». 

Neil rolled over Andrew, putting his hands on Andrew’s neck and kissing him tenderly. 

It was Neil’s last check up with Massimo. They already talked about that with Wymack and the Foxes: if this new treatment hadn’t done any progress, Neil was going to quit the chemo, and just wait. 

Andrew was by his side, their fingers interwoven. He was trying to play cool, but Neil could perfectly see the tension in his body. 

«Neil, Andrew» Massimo greeted them, sitting behind his desk with a big smile. «I wanted to explain it to you slowly but I can’t. The cancer is retreating! Sorry, I shouldn’t have shout». 

«What?» Neil asked, confused. Maybe he had heard wrong. 

«Your blood tests are as good as they were when we started the heaviest chemo, your bone marrow looking perfect. I estimate that, if we proceed with this aggressive approach, you will be cancer free in the next three months». 

Neil was looking at Andrew now, who was clutching hard his hand, gripping it like his life depended on it. 

«Drew did you hear it?» he asked, and only realised halfway that he was crying. 

Andrew smiled, his mouth curving and showing his white teeth. It was the most expressive reaction he had ever had (except after Baltimore). 

«Of course I did, junky» he muttered, rolling his eyes. “I am happy for the first time in months”. 

Eighty-five days later Neil, in front of the Foxes, Wymack, Abby, Bee, Roland, uncle Stuart (who came straight from England after hearing the news), Sergei and Rosa, finally rang the bell. 

He was cancer free from the first time in eleven months. 

The best part of Neil’s junior year was not the fact that he was cancer free after a long battle against leukaemia, nor the beginning of the growth back of his hair. It was the fact that he was now captain of the Foxes, after Dan graduated and became Wymack’s assistant coach, and had chosen first-handy the new recruits. He not only chose who they were going to be, but also how many of them were going to join the Foxes. After some easy calculuses, he distributed the four male freshmen and his teammates among three rooms. The fourth one was a double, only for him and Andrew. 

«Can you really do it?» Andrew asked when Neil first told him his plan. They were in Andrew’s Maserati, heading to the Grand Canyon during those free weeks in June before summer’s practise. It was their second road trip, and Neil loved how they were already creating some traditions between them. 

«Of course I can. And I did». 

Andrew smiled fondly at him. 

«Always the same daredevil». 

The best part of Neil’s junior year was the room he shared with Andrew and only Andrew. The both of them had already admitted that, even though they were quite young, this thing between them was forever. Andrew had been by his side since the first day, a solid rock for Neil to grip when the tide was raising and the waves of his messy life threatened to drown him. He was there after Baltimore, during his illness, for Rosa’s funeral. Neil knew that, however bad things would get, Andrew would never leave him alone. The ring Andrew gifted Neil one night while they were in their bed told it too. It was a promise. 

They were doing it together, this crazy thing called life. 

And as Andrew said, time ago: it didn’t have sense without his lover in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading till here!  
> I am not a doctor, so I want to say sorry for any mistake about the description of the illness, even though I didn’t write anything too accurately  
> This fic was born after I watched the third season of Elite... but I am not going to say more, no spoilers here :)  
> title from idfc by blackbear   
> Kudos and comments are well accepted <3


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